She wondered while seeing them all crowded in the relatively small living area of the apartment if she’d maybe over invited. She wanted a wild night, but could she really handle all these men in one go? She’d never even had a threesome, so this was going to be a real baptism of fire.She eased herself in by getting everyone a drink, sneaking a few shots to ease her nerves. 'How do you even start something like this?' she thought, as she passed around the drinks she prepared. Thankfully, Rick, one of the more outspoken men she invited piped up, “You got any sexy music in this place? Ever since I laid eyes on you I’ve wanted to see you strip.”She knew she’d be getting naked in front of them, but at the request to do so a sudden wash of nerves hit her. She just about managed to subdue the wobble in her legs, as she walked over to the mp3 player on the side. She’d prepared a lengthy playlist of music that made her feel sexy, so as the first beats rung out through the inbuilt speaker. Dr. [Name Redacted] called, and I set up anotherappointment. Maybe he's right. I've been looking online and the symptomsfit.DAY 35Second appointment with Dr. [Name Redacted]. I think he's right. I'vespent so long trying to prove myself, scared of what I think I alwaysknew, deep down. I've been playing a part, trying to be what I think aman is supposed to be, but it's always felt false, I understand that now.I'm ready to start accepting who I really am.DAY 36I bought my first tube of lipstick today. The cosmetics aisle was sobright, and I had to wait until there wasn't anyone around. My heart wasbeating so hard I could hear it. I felt like I was trying to rob a bank.I had to use the self-checkout, and I kept worrying that someone wouldsee me with it. What would I say? But it was so thrilling to own it, likethe first day I shaved my legs. I tried it on when I got home and Ilooked ridiculous but it made me so happy I cried. It's called "StoplightRed."DAY 39Told Dr. [Name Redacted] about.
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